Reading this shit after what i've been going through for the past few months has me even more emo. Damn.
it's a sunday morning and i was looking through old drafts and i found this one. it was called "whatevermind" and i remember the name but i don't remember the song at all. i probably wasn't in a memorable state of mind when i made this.
it brings tears to my eyes, thinking about my old freshman self and how, even though i felt stressed out back then, there was so much i didn't care about when going straight into high school. It was such a good feeling, to not care. I was kind of reckless. There wasn't much to worry about and i'd just do my thing kinda and i wasn't already all the way down what seems like a spiral of my mental state now as a result of all my recklessness. Nowadays, even though i enjoy times with my friends and life is very okay, there's such a weird, somewhat confused, and sad thing going on my head all the time, thinking about my weird life and all it's complications. I really can't even describe it but listening to this song really made me feel a very very specific way.
When i made this track and named it "whatevermind" it was because i was always really hyped up and romantic problems/social anxiety did not detriment my overall mood at all. There was a lot going on around this time and my mind was surrounded by all these crazy concepts, but i always just looked at it and said "whatever". Not caring too much really helped. I was also more of an optimist. But now, all i do is overthink because i'm so self-aware of everything and it's hard for me to get what i want because of that, i think. And listening to this track just reminds me of that exact feeling i used to have when i first made this track as a freshman: bliss in simple carelessness.
Now, i wish i could go back to that time, where i didn't have something i really wanted to go back to, and change some things. But maybe this is a wake-up call. This is just what growing up is about. Thinking about things and taking control of them. Life only gets more and more complicated as it goes on.
Create an account or Login to write a comment.
-
-
thanks to everyone.
-
reading and listening to this again is just what i needed
-
i wasnt here in 2014 so...
-
jesus, i feel that desc so hard
-
refav :)
-
For an old draft, this sounds gorgeous.
-
(link is only visible to registered users) I think you'll love this song
-
2014 at was also a safe haven of love and fun
-
this is so refreshing and evokes so much nostalgia at the same time. mostly the body of text but damn dude. i second this
-
It's funny because after reading the text you put it kind of evoked a similar emotion in myself. My life was in a very awkward state from 2011-15. Mom was diagnosed with cancer... 2 types... it was a hard thing to go through as it is for anyone... especially since she is a single parent.
-
thanks for sharing the vibes. it would always be nice to start over for many, but unfortunately we can't. this song reminded me we have to appreciate the fuck out of the present, because that's all we have and we have it for such a short time all the time, and it's always gonna change, whether for better or worse. glad to hear your mom is fine. that's awesome.
-
I just really wish I can go back and handle it differently and do what I needed to... luckily we're better off now and my grades are better but it still bother's me that that triumph, even though mentally successful, could impact me going to college. It would be nice to start over :/
-
Thankfully she survived but that wasn't the only challenge to overcome... but to not get too personal it affected my middle and highschool career (hs especially). My grades were sooo bad, I was depressed, we haven't been in the same financial state since.
-
-
Damn that description man, hope you're okay!
This is gorge btw
-
these feels mang
-
but i feel this so very much <3
-
for me it was 2012; everything kinda went downhill (nd uphill?? in a way??) from there lol
