this is not a drill; i am about to say something really funny and you all are going to laugh. it's gonna be so funny that you'll actually die laughing. i repeat, this is not a drill. if you wish to live to see another day, please cover your ears and scream as loud as you can before i bestow you with the greatest joke ever muttered by the human mouth. i repeat, this is not a drill. everybody listening is in grave danger.

i will tell the joke in five, four, three, two, one.

zero.

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