Any thoughts on this? I'm looking to improve it. I've done the first part and the buildup so far.

I also used a very unusual music trick to make the buildup - instead of just making everything go to the studio output, I made it go through an exciter and then the studio output. The exciter was set to not do anything by default, but I increased it during the course of the buildup. If you think it does or doesn't work, please tell me :)