Growing up I was never a human with feelings,
I was a doll,
Something they could toy with to their pleasing
I was used, and neglected when it suited them the most
I never got to go play, I never got to leave my post
Stand straight, stay silent, they told me often
Nobody else realized I was being locked in
Don't cry, keep it in, nobody cares
They told me this so often my minds beyond repair
I tried so hard to be their perfect little girl
But I wasn't good enough for them, I'm not good enough for the world
Your dirtying our name they told me all the time
But how can I dirty a name that isn't mine
I'm your mom, she told me, I love you to death
But It didn't feel true it felt more like a threat
Like if I told anyone they wouldn't listen, I stayed in my head but it became my prison
Any time I cried I was seeking attention
Maybe in reality I was seeking affection
Pain became my outlet
The blades my savior
I felt like I deserved it
The bleeding was my anchor
Spending countless nights watching the blood fall
Knowing that no one would hear me call
see you later,
bye bye now,
praying to god that i wish i knew how,
i ended up in this moment,
theres no way now to own it,
and the only way out is to show them i know it,
when your little they tell you that life is just like the storys
but it isnt all cupcakes and glory,
the pains real,
and no one knows how you feel,
you fall,
and you call,
out for someone to help you heal
but no one comes
you wander alone wondrin what you did wrong,
but heres the truth
it wasnt you
This world has changed but no one is to blame,
its hard times all around,
especialy for those on the ground,
no matter how many times,
goodbye is hard to ryhme,
the emptyness you feel,
it only hurts cuz you know its real,
they can say they understand,
but thats not true,
how do you know whats happend to me if it didnt happen to you,
the thoughts that go through our heads,
most of us just wind up dead,
this world is messed up,
but its to hard to fess up,
we keep the hurt hidden,
hoping we wont get bitten,
wondering why we can't just be ourselfs,
screaming out "I need your help"
But you just disappear
it seems your good at that
but when your gone I'm alone and it all goes black
I've been running from the pain since I was little
not thinking about it cuz I'm too brittle
if I don't think it's not true
if I dont speak it's not new
trynna push it deep down while it's beating me black and blue
my heart is breaking
It's bleeding out
I know it's not gonna be much longer now
I can't keep doing this
running back and forth
keeping one foot outside the door
I'm afraid your gonna leave
I'm afraid your gonna lie
that fear is taking over and im hurting inside
I want you to promise me
tell me you will stay
Make me believe that someday this will change
Maybe then I'll wait it out
Maybe then I'll give it time
But right now I'm running from the demons inside my mind
Those demons have haunted me throughout my whole life
And now their just a part of me deep inside
I don't know how to escape them
But I know how they came
They were created by the fear and the doubt and the pain
I know it's not your fault
And I know you did your best
But that dosent stop the pain that's coursing through my chest
That pain never fades
That pain never dies
Wondrin how I'm still breathing after all these lies
I cant face these feelings
So I curl up and hide
Can't help but feeling like somehow I died
Me: wondering why every time i go to my boyfriend for comfort it ends with him being mean to me, lecturing me, and making me feel stupid for feeling the way i do
My boyfriend (actual text he sent me): shut the fuck up im not being mean your being over dramatic
Comments
girl....... I believe in aliens I'm lets say 5'4 feet tall
Growing up I was never a human with feelings, I was a doll, Something they could toy with to their pleasing I was used, and neglected when it suited them the most I never got to go play, I never got to leave my post Stand straight, stay silent, they told me often Nobody else realized I was being locked in Don't cry, keep it in, nobody cares They told me this so often my minds beyond repair I tried so hard to be their perfect little girl But I wasn't good enough for them, I'm not good enough for the world Your dirtying our name they told me all the time But how can I dirty a name that isn't mine I'm your mom, she told me, I love you to death But It didn't feel true it felt more like a threat Like if I told anyone they wouldn't listen, I stayed in my head but it became my prison Any time I cried I was seeking attention Maybe in reality I was seeking affection Pain became my outlet The blades my savior I felt like I deserved it The bleeding was my anchor Spending countless nights watching the blood fall Knowing that no one would hear me call
see you later, bye bye now, praying to god that i wish i knew how, i ended up in this moment, theres no way now to own it, and the only way out is to show them i know it, when your little they tell you that life is just like the storys but it isnt all cupcakes and glory, the pains real, and no one knows how you feel, you fall, and you call, out for someone to help you heal but no one comes you wander alone wondrin what you did wrong, but heres the truth it wasnt you This world has changed but no one is to blame, its hard times all around, especialy for those on the ground, no matter how many times, goodbye is hard to ryhme, the emptyness you feel, it only hurts cuz you know its real, they can say they understand, but thats not true, how do you know whats happend to me if it didnt happen to you, the thoughts that go through our heads, most of us just wind up dead, this world is messed up, but its to hard to fess up, we keep the hurt hidden, hoping we wont get bitten, wondering why we can't just be ourselfs, screaming out "I need your help" But you just disappear it seems your good at that but when your gone I'm alone and it all goes black I've been running from the pain since I was little not thinking about it cuz I'm too brittle if I don't think it's not true if I dont speak it's not new trynna push it deep down while it's beating me black and blue my heart is breaking It's bleeding out I know it's not gonna be much longer now I can't keep doing this running back and forth keeping one foot outside the door I'm afraid your gonna leave I'm afraid your gonna lie that fear is taking over and im hurting inside I want you to promise me tell me you will stay Make me believe that someday this will change Maybe then I'll wait it out Maybe then I'll give it time But right now I'm running from the demons inside my mind Those demons have haunted me throughout my whole life And now their just a part of me deep inside I don't know how to escape them But I know how they came They were created by the fear and the doubt and the pain I know it's not your fault And I know you did your best But that dosent stop the pain that's coursing through my chest That pain never fades That pain never dies Wondrin how I'm still breathing after all these lies I cant face these feelings So I curl up and hide Can't help but feeling like somehow I died
I'm bored
I'm back ig
everything about you (this my paragraph)
https://www.audiotool.com/track/kidd9kax3r/ <3
I want a bf that will actually treat me right and love me 😭 Sadly thats never going to happen so im stuck with a boy that hurts me
https://www.audiotool.com/track/m9y74k7nwz/
Me: wondering why every time i go to my boyfriend for comfort it ends with him being mean to me, lecturing me, and making me feel stupid for feeling the way i do My boyfriend (actual text he sent me): shut the fuck up im not being mean your being over dramatic
me ;0