my feelings

I just wanted to write out my feelings a bit. you don't have to read or agree or anything. I was thinking why I even try to make music in the first place. Its my hobby/passion and I really love making music more than anything else really. I've tried so hard to try to make a career out of this because if that happens, it'll be a dream come true. I don't want/need to be famous or anything, but just find a way to have some gain out of it. I guess it's just a way to justify to myself for spending so much time on it. At the same time, its not like i am out of options either. I don't have bad grades at school, and I'll probably find an ok job after I graduate, but I really can't find myself being happy in that situation. This way of thinking is probably because I am Japanese and the asian stereotype of strict parents is true. I was taught growing up that anything outside of school and making money is a waste of time so every time I make music, it's in secret. I also feel guilt at the same time, but I know it's not wrong. Either way, I know there's a way to brand and market and invest in your music in a way to get it heard. I just can't figure it out yet (advice pls). I've been doing music for more than 5 years now and I know I am nowhere near as good as the professionals yet, but idk. I know I have no right to be depressed but i just needed to vent. thanks for listening. . (sorry for the simple beat, just whipped up a quicky)